Finding the love of my life

I'm a hopeless romantic...I don't come across as one but God do I love a good romance. I'm one of those girls that believe that every one, man or woman deserves to be swept off their feet. I refuse to not believe that love exists. Yes I am that girl. Finding the love of my life has been the hardest part of my life....I'm quite young but jeez I'm tired as hell of meeting all these losers and knowing that there is absolutely no future there....I don't like to waste my time or anybody's for that matter.

How can you be the love of my life if you are not willing to spoil me? Can't send me gaddamn flowers on Valentine's day. Are you kidding? I am in my very early twenties and I have an extremely good job with a rewarding pay...I don't understand why that should matter tho....Imagine going on a vacation with my boyfriend and he is expecting me to bring half of the money...what the fuck is that? and you will still fuck me when we get there o...which kind of highness is that?

I want to be swept off my feet by someone. I want to fall in love..you know that type of I can't breathe without you love, you control me love, my every feeling is controlled by the look on your face type of love...I believe it's out there and I am going to find it without settling. There are three things in life you should not settle on when it comes to relationships..for me at least. Sex, Money, Love.....Those three things work hand in hand in my opinion at least.

I've kind of rambled around this post but whatever, I need some place to pour my heart out...it doesn't have to make sense to you...but I get it..whatever that means.....lol

FineBabe

Stupid..Foolish Drama

I don't understand why I have to deal with all these drama. I didn't fucking do anything wrong. Your dad fucked up, he's dead and now I have to fucking pay for all of this nonsense. It's not my fault he fell in love with my mom while he was married to your mom and they decided to have me. Moreover, this happened over 2 decades ago in an African country where polygamy was and still is basically the way of life. Granted, that wasn't what you lots were used to but then...shouldn't you blame your father for not putting his dick in his pants and not keeping his heart with your mom? You tell me shit happens and people fall in and out of love for whatever reason and no one is without sin but all I see is you being all judgmental. 

You randomly call me after 7 years and even though my inner mind tells me to not trust you, I go against my better judgement and for a minute, it seems like we do actually have something good going. Perhaps we could let go off all the unnecessary garbage and build our relationship. You tell me this whole time you never considered me to be your sibling..you refer to me as your father's daughter...I tell you Its funny because I don't consider myself to be related to any of you, I just thought of you to be people I'm biologically connected to....and we laugh about it..and talk about everything for a lot of hours over lunch....We get emotional because it is in fact a sensitive topic for us both and even though I notice you've got a mouth on you...I though it was funny that you just said whatever came to your mind....It really did seem like we had something nice going...

But then i doubt we do and I don't want to do this anymore. I told you the first day you called me, if you leave me hanging like you did 7 years ago, I will be done...I don't know why you think you can just come in and walk out of my life whenever the move shifts you...I honestly don't understand why...if you cant decide whether you want this relationship or not after 2 fucking decades, I'm going to make that decision for you now...I don't ...I want nothing to do with you lots...you are don't exist to me...too bad things have to turn out this way but there is no point...we are never going to trust each other and I'm not willing to put myself through any stupid roller-coaster when I did nothing wrong....Its not my fault your dad fell in love with my mom and things turned out the way they did...too bad he died before I could string a sentence...he probably would have been able to sort out this mess...I thought i could but I cant...I'm never going to be ready to anymore. I refuse to be...screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice shame on me...I sure as hell is not going to give you lots a third time...this is it...

To hell with whoever said blood is thicker than water...In my case at least, I've got the shadiest family anyone could ever think of...I find that I have to go out and decide who I want to be my family and I find the friends I have (who to me are my sisters) to be better than the folks I'm biologically connected to.....Its unfortunate but such is life....

Sometimes, you need a place to pour your heart out, this is mine...find yours...

FineBabe